He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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