Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
