Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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