the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize