He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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