It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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