did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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