I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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