You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
