Everything about him screamed your future.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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