i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
