shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
