i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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