mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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