textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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