I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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