carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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