the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize