the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
