Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
