You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
