just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
