Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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