If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
