who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
