My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
