I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
