Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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