you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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