Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
