She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Everything about him screamed your future.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
