her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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