The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
