watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
