Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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