no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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