for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
