I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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