We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
