Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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