Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
