if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
