You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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