AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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