this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize