He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
