How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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