it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
