Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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