I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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