You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
