Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
