Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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