Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
