It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Two words: blizzard sex
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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