My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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