I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
