So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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