We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
