Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
