You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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