Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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