Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
